Saturday, August 24, 2013

To Be....Or Not to Be....Gosh, This is REALLY Hard

As a young child I already had "Prepper" tendancies, OR maybe it was just the 1983 movie  The Day After that scared me so badly, I designed an underground lair for me, my family, and the horses that I would someday own. It came complete with water & air-filtration systems, places to garden and grow food with UV light, and of course, hay storage. To a 12-year-old California Girl who knew NOTHING about any of those subjects, the far from "fleshed-out" plan was perfect. 

Ok, I fibbed.... I knew a little bit about gardening by sheer accident, in my opinion, but really, ONLY because my Grandmother gardened and my parents tried it once, delegating the job of picking weeds to my brother and me. It was far more fun to run the dogs through the corn than pick the corn. Like most little kids, when our parents tried to "include" us into the mundane world of gardening, all we wanted to do was  run around  playing army with our friends, throwing bruise-causing dirt clods and rotten, splattering fruit. 


Fast forward to 2008....My own little family is living in Texas. My 2 daughters, Ashley and Brooke are in  high school making plans to leave the nest and I need something to take care of. What's a girl to do? She buys  a couple  Cherry Tomato plants and large pots, throws in some planting soil and Miracle Grow, waters once in awhile and VOILA she has a garden. (Did you just read the last part with a French accent? 8D) As I saw the first cute, little, green baby maters growing  I felt like Tom Hanks in Castaway....Dancing around a campfire, exclaiming, "I, HAVE MADE FIRE!" 








Fast forward to present day.....We're living in the Salt Lake Valley and all my friends have gardens with beautiful green plants dotted with the colorful bounties of the season that somehow, mysteriously turn into jars of food.  


I WANT TO MAKE COLORFUL BOUNTIES TOOOOO.

The next Spring arrives and a gnawing desire to plant and "make fire", again sets in with a vengeance. We're renting, but there is a tiny portion of weed infested dirt on the side of the garage, that with some work, could be a nice garden. It shouldn't be too hard? Right? I've pulled weeds before. I was a kid when I pulled them, but the weeds WERE 5 feet tall so I should be able to pull these little twerps.... 

The 9' by 18' section of ground is hard as a rock and infested with Cockleburs.
What is worse, Cockleburs or Goat Heads?
Day 1....After 6 hrs. of hard labor a 18 sq. ft. area has been cleared.
 It looks wonderful, but UGGGGH....That means I still have 72 sq. ft. left to go....

....but, that's OK, tomorrow is a NEW DAY. Yes, tomorrow I WILL kick its butt! Still having delusions of grandeur, tomorrow arrives and I am REALLY sore. I've been taking it easy for the last couple of years after I had a kidney transplant and now I am paying for it. Perhaps music will spur me on to greater efforts, but NOOOooooo, every time I bend over, my  back and hamstrings pull and hurt and my right shoulder aches something terrible (I'm presently scheduled to have surgery on said shoulder mid Sept.). 

Great! I hurt this bad and it isn't even the 2-day burn yet. I used to seriously work out all the time and if I had picked that up again I wouldn't be hurting like this now....Really starting to hate myself. 

Oohh, epiphany! Maybe, if I pretend like I'm back in the old days when nobody had a tiller it would be FUN AGAIN..... Yes! Use it! Build those sense memories! I got this. Hey, this is fun. I AM THE GREATEST!  A few hours later....I AM..The....owwww. Time for the whiner to take a rest.

For the next couple of days I dig a few hours here and a few hours there. With the help of  my daughter Ashley and her husband Xevious  all that's left is a cute little island.

To be honest, I thought very hard, as I rested for the next couple of days, about turning the island into a stage for a 
"Gnome VS. Flamingo Battle Royale"


During this cleansing process, I started to notice something about the dirt and the fawna that resides there. Near the garage on the right side, the dirt was excruciatingly compact and comprised mostly of clay  and small rock where the use of a jack hammer would have been greatly appreciated.  Here the red ants had made their home and were fiercely defending it. I can't blame them, I would too if somebody was invading my domicile.

 However, they are Nature's pains in the butt; especially when they crawl into your pants and "make you do the hoola dance" because you are sitting too close to their disturbed home. It was either them or me, and since I am the apex predator in MY backyard, I wanted them out of their cruddy dirt home. After I briskly and briefly, I might add, vanquished the butt-biting little boogers, all I could think was, "How is anything going to grow here, and how am I going to make it better?"

Closer to the fence on the left-side where once there was a living tree in the neighbors yard, the soil was less compact with more plant matter mixed in. The soil had a deeper color and was loose and easy to dig. Here and some towards the middle, we dug up scores of earthworms, who are nature's little roto-tillers stirring up the earth while "munching on some grindage".  A couple of times we cut our little friends in half while digging. It was all on accident so of course we apologized and told them it was nothing personal and that we appreciated all the hard work they did in making such nice soil. 


This was my first lesson in Good Soil  VS.  Bad Soil 
Ants seem to live in poor soil, whereas worms seem to live in good soil, and they seem to segregate themselves. I wonder why they do that?



By now I am somewhere between 2 and 3 weeks behind everybody else in planting. My body is so tired that I'm now finishing the island and digging rocks  from a sitting position using a trowel . I've worn holes in my gloves and my fingers are raw. I keep thinking, "I can't let it beat me. All the hard work will be worth it in the end." 


When the last weed and rock were triumphantly torn from the field of battle, it was time to enjoy the tranquil beauty of the  "Kingdom of Weed Free". 

A couple of rock representatives of the many that were pulled. 
We also dug up 5 gallon buckets full of smaller rocks  that we used for the walkway and borders for my younger daughter, Brooke's herb garden.


The plot has been dug down about 6" deep and according to Mr. Google and my garden buddies its now time to condition the dirt with bags of top-soil and horse poop. So I take a trip to Lowes and pick-up 10 bags of top-soil @ $2.49 each and get my husband to drive a couple cities over to a local stable to pick-up a truck load of aged horse manure for $5.00. 

Next step is to try and mix it in with a spade. I know its not the best tool for this kind of job, but I'm just too cheap to rent a tiller @ $40.00 for the first 4 hrs when it would only take 20-30 minutes to do the whole job. After dumping out some top-soil and a couple of 5 gallon buckets of poop, the mixing begins. I worked for 30 mins. in a 3' sq. section and decided its just too hard and  another rest will cause too much delay. 

It's time to put out an APB for help with a tiller. With a most fortuitous turn of events, my friends down the street happen to still have their parent's tiller and they offer to help. There IS light at the end of the tunnel and I am seriously feeling blessed with all the help from friends and family.

Melt My Heart....This is just tooooo CUTE.
My best friend's husband Seth and little boy Connor helping out. 

Tasia and I are staying out of the way so that we don't get poop thrown on us.


Everybody out here who has a "well established" garden seems to also have some sort of drip irrigation system. Even though my Husband AKA Mikey Honey would build me one, I didn't want to spend any more money after we had purchased the gardening implements, dirt, poop, squash, tomato, and herb starts. So I tried to design  a plot with a relatively easy method of watering using a hose.  I'm a big fan of Roman architecture and immediately thought an aqueduct design for the perimeter would work well. 

It's really nice to be able to put the hose at one end and let the water do the rest of the work. It's also nice to be able to change the "soak factor" by changing the intensity of the water. A small erosion problem at the corners was fixed by placing a flat rock inside the outer bend of the corner. 

The outside aqueduct that would serve to water the Green Beans, Sunflowers, and Swiss Chard. You can also see the start of the rock pathway made from all the smaller rocks we excavated.
Lucky, our little Cha-Weener dog is not too sure about the water rounding the 2nd corner. 
Oh, and the weeds keep coming back like heart burn after eating Hooters Hot Wings.



Fast Forward to today....When all is said and done, we ended up planting 3 summer squash, 4 strawberries that turned into 12 and had to be transplanted or given away, 2 Brandywine tomatoes, 1 Beef Stake tomato that has taken over (Not sure how to fix that.), 21 Green Bean plants, 11 ft. of Swiss Chard, 8 Skyscraper Sunflowers (2 of which have reached the 12 ft high mark...TOOT TOOT... I've grown too; in strength and stamina.), and 5 Marigolds to help keep the Aphids away.  

Our garden in the "State of Today"



It HAS been worth all the hard work, sweat, and sometimes blood.  Since the squash plants have been producing, we haven't had to buy any veggies, save for variety in the diet. The tomatoes are turning red, and a couple of green beans have presented, although I'm not sure why they look like the Loch Ness Monster. Can't wait to start canning; with study and the help of friends it will feel really good to have some home grown food storage in the basement. OOOooo, a "Canning Party" sounds fun.


....and YES, I have been bitten by the "Self-Sufficiency Bug" 
  and chosen 
 "To Be"  a   PREPPER.


I've learned a lot & we'll save that for another blog. I also realize there is oodles more TO learn; so if YOU would please comment on how to be a better gardener I would be most appreciative. 

 Constructive Criticism Only Please   

Thank you for reading Adventures in Prepping....Newbie Style  

SHOUT OUT.... to my friends Brenda & Willard for all their advice and the donation of seeds. Ya'll Rock!